A Raft Through Troubled Waters

Friday Reflection (No.68)

“Only the most broken people can be great leaders.”
-Namor from Wakanda Forever

Namor from Wakanda Forever is one my favorite characters from the MCU. Despite being a villain, his deep loyalty to his people made it hard to root against him. Plus, he was a bad ass who dropped amazing one-liners all throughout the film, perhaps none more resonant than this one: “Only the most broken people can be great leaders.”

And there is certainly a kernel of truth to this line…many of the greatest leaders I have worked with or witnessed have been formed by the waves of suffering and struggle. And yet, those same waves can drown people or break them to the point where it is difficult to put the pieces back together.

While there are many factors that contribute to whether an individual is able to emerge from the waves of suffering as a leader,¹ I find it uplifting and instructive to learn the stories of such leaders and determine what lessons may be generalizable for all of us.

Leadership principle: Nurture unrelenting conviction, amplify your strengths, and rely on a supportive community to navigate the inevitable waves of suffering.

I recently attended “An Evening with John Legend,” which was a musical and storytelling delight…perhaps the best performance I’ve ever attended.² It was essentially a walk through his life, with his music and other genre-defining songs as the soundtrack.³

One line from his storytelling that stuck with me was “Music was the raft that carried me through troubled waters.” You see, John suffered a tragic series of events at the age of ten years old. His grandmother who had been the family matriarch, the choir leader and his piano teacher passed away. Her death triggered crippling depression in his mother and she ended up abandoning the family, descending into addiction and incarceration. She was absent from his life for the next ten years.⁴

During this time, John never took his eye off his goal of making a living and leaving a legacy as a performing artist. And while the line “music was the the raft that carried me through the troubled waters” is compelling…what I also noticed in listening to his story is that at least three things ensured that his raft stayed afloat and reached the destination:

1. Unrelenting conviction even in the face of uncertainty and setbacks. When in college at UPenn, John needed to work to support himself but wanted to continue to hone his musical craft. He planned to pursue a role as choir director at a local church, however, the Philly scene was very competitive and he couldn’t land a gig.⁵ He ended up getting a job in Scranton (home of the Office) two hours away from Philly. Rather than seeing this as a setback, he poured himself into this job, staying every weekend for choir practice on Saturday and worship on Sunday. He credits this time as moment of major growth in his music.

2. Defining and amplifying his signature style. John’s musical style combines gospel, Motown, neo-soul, hip hop and R&B. His distinctive strengths reside in the range and elegance of his voice, the power of his piano playing, and the poetry of his lyrics. Over time, he has created a style that is distinctly “Legend,” grounded in this portfolio of strengths.

3. Community to shore up his holes and support him to withstand the waves. As he recounted his story, he was so gracious in acknowledging dozens of people that were instrumental to his rise. He described how his dad, his siblings and his church community supported him as he dealt with his mom’s abandonment. On the music side, he credits Kanye West (I miss the 2004 Kanye) for enhancing his music through direct influence and introducing him to other world class talent who helped his music stand out.

These three strategies can be applied whenever you experience suffering, pain or challenges, not just tragic ones like John experienced. I believe the reason these three strategies are so effective is that they lead to growth, pointing to the universal truth that growth and pain often co-exist.

One of the attributes I admire most about John’s leadership is that it extends well beyond music, as he has been an advocate and philanthropist for many social causes, including writing the iconic song “Glory” that describes the civil rights struggle as an ongoing battle. This song, in many ways, is a crystallization of these three strategies.

Take Action: Practical and Proven Steps

1. “No Struggle, No Swag.” Consider following the guidance of the great George Mumford⁶: “No struggle, no swag.” His mantra, infused with hip-hop flair, embodies a mindset that's advantageous in overcoming adversity and achieving something great. Whether it’s on the court, in the boardroom or in the living room, there will be lots of hard things…lots of suffering. The key is to continue to fan the flame of conviction so that you can overcome the suffering and still achieve your ultimate goal. One way to do that is to push yourself to see all circumstance as “allies in your growth.” Jim Dethmer and Dianna Chapman suggest asking this one key question: “If the universe were using this person or situation as a perfect ally to help you grow, what would you learn about yourself and life?”⁷

2. Fortify your “signature style.” One of my colleagues, Jason Fiftal, taught me that leadership impact is more about maximizing your greatest strengths than it is about fixing weaknesses. This means knowing the things that you are distinctively good at and continuously strengthening these areas by putting yourself in situations that maximize these strengths. Take the time to write down your 3-4 hallmark strengths. Then articulate how these strengths combine to create you signature leadership style. This will serve you well in the face of suffering or challenges and will give you a lens through which to focus and problem solve your way out.

3. Continue to nurture your “networks of connections and intimacy.” This is another George Mumford saying. I’ve written other Friday Reflections on the four types of networks we need to thrive as leaders: Strategic, Operational, Developmental and Soul. Each of these contain people who can shore up our holes and support us when the waves hit.

Reflect: Some Questions to Consider

1. How has suffering shaped you as a leader?

2. What are the strengths that combine to make your signature style of leadership?

3. What is the state of your community, particularly your Developmental Network and your Soul Network?

If this week’s Friday Reflection was practical or enjoyable (or maybe even both!), please share it with your colleagues and friends.

1. There are vast bodies of research on this topic that span disciplines from psychology to cognitive science to sociology to economics. This research attempts to understand why some humans respond differently to suffering and challenges than others do. There is some great stuff out there like Angela Duckworth’s Grit, decades of research on attachment theory, and replicable studies on community and resilience.

That said, no one has the whole picture. And some people are more inclined to resilience in the face of suffering than others are, even when you control for a multitude of factors.

2. If I have to pick, John Legend is my favorite artist of all time, so this was like going to Mecca for me. His lyrics and songs have moved me in so many ways.

What’s most special is that I consider his body of work to be like a soundtrack to my marriage. At this concert, he sang “All of Me” and it just made my heart stir with love for my wife, because that song has been present in so many special moments for us.

One of these weeks, I will write a Friday Reflection on Legend’s Lessons just like I did for Lin Manuel.

3. In addition to many of his classics, he sang other tracks like “Redemption Song” and “Ribbon in the Sky” by Stevie Wonder, as well as a rousing rendition of “Precious Lord.” One of the reasons I think I connect so much with John’s music is its gospel roots. Having grown up going to church and singing my heart out on Wednesday night, Friday night and Sundays, there’s certain neural pathways that are formed through this experience and they and get activated by these types of melodies.

4. This story has a happy ending. John and his mother reconciled and she is now a really important part of his life and his kids’ lives. Despite the pain she caused him, he chose to forgive her - a powerful example of redemption and forgiveness…and an upward call for those of us who struggle with holding grudges.

5. That’s some serious musical talent in Philly if John Legend couldn’t land a gig.

6. If you don’t know George, you should know George. He is a performance and mindfulness expert, who was a mindfulness coach to many basketball legends including Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant. His personal story is also incredibly inspiring and is captured in his book “Unlocked.” He’s also been on a number of podcasts including the Tim Ferris show. That said my favorite appearance of his was on Hitendra Wadhwa’s podcast: Intersections. You can listen to it here.

7. This is from one of my favorite books on leadership that I often cite: 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership.