“There are two types of beings in the Universe: those who dance, and those who do not.”
-Drax in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
In the second installment of arguably my favorite trilogy, Guardians of the Galaxy,1 Drax tries to help Star-Lord move on from a fight with Gamora. And while it may not have been the advice that Star-lord was looking for at the time, Drax’s statement unveils a different kind of truth for me:
There are two types of “successful” beings in the universe - those with a strong sense of connection and intimacy (those who dance) and those without it (those who do not). While connection and intimacy are not preconditions for a successful career, they do seem to be preconditions for leaders who thrive…those who dance.
Leadership principle: Your Soul Network is key to persevering in the face of suffering and to amplifying your joy.
As I reflected on this final entry in this series on the four distinct types of networks that help leaders achieve full potential, I decided to rename the fourth network from “Support & Joy Network” to “Soul Network.”2
The “Soul Network” is the emotional sustenance for your wellbeing. Like the nourishing soil, it consists of those who provide support, bring joy and occasionally give you the necessary kick-in-the-pants during difficult times.3
To that end, there's an unlikely group we can look to for inspiration on what we need in our Soul Network: Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy. This group of interstellar misfits formed an unbreakable bond that exemplifies six essential keystones of support: safety/security, emotional closeness/confiding, identity affirmation and shared experience, romantic intimacy, help, and fun/relaxation4:
1. Groot (Safety/Security)
Groot, the towering, sentient tree-being, is the embodiment of safety and security. Despite his limited vocabulary, Groot uses his physical prowess to protect his friends in times of danger. Just like Groot, we all need someone who can be there to provide the safety net when we need it.
2. Rocket (Emotional Closeness/confiding)
Rocket Raccoon, despite his tough exterior, shares deep emotional connections with his friends.5 This emotional closeness is key for strong relationships. Having at least 1-2 people you can confide in as part of your Soul Network is essential to our mental wellbeing.6
3. Nebula (Identity Affirmation and Shared Experience)
In a complete “180” from her origin story, Nebula becomes the moral compass of the team, reminding others of who they truly are. Likewise, we need people in our Soul Network who affirm our unique identities and strengths.
4. Gamora (Romantic intimacy)
The connection between Peter Quill and Gamora evolves into romantic intimacy, the cornerstone relationship for many of us. Though not everyone needs romantic intimacy to thrive, if you do decide you want a partner, then the decision about who to make your partner is the most important decision you make for your wellbeing and for your career. And while not without its challenges, oh how sweet it is!
5. Drax the Destroyer (Help)
Drax, with his literal mindset and heart on his sleeve, often steps in to help his fellow Guardians and has a lot of laughs doing it. He might not always understand metaphors7, but he certainly understands the importance of offering a helping hand.8 We benefit from having those in our life that we can reach out to for help, when the hard times come.
6. Peter Quill/Star-Lord (Fun/Joy)
Despite the gravity of trying to save the galaxy, Peter Quill always finds a moment for a dance-off or a joke. This fun, relaxing attitude contributes to the Guardians’ resilience in the face of adversity. How great are the people in our lives that never forget to integrate moments of fun and joy. They are true gifts!
And why is the Soul Network so essential? It’s because challenges, obstacles and suffering are inevitable. And a robust body of psychology and neuroscience research shows that connection is one of the most important elements to build the resilience needed to make it through suffering and challenges.9
Now, dust off your Walkman, crank up the music, and start dancing aka (re)-cultivating your Soul Network. It will help you enjoy this journey so much more and will prepare you to take on whatever the universe throws your way.
Take Action: Practical and Proven Steps
Do a health check on your Soul Network. Consider a variation of this exercise as one way to do this. Notice which of the keystones of support are strong and which ones have gaps.
Take initiative to proactively strengthen your Soul Network. Based on where you see areas that are less present in the exercise above, make a plan for a month with four or five actions you can take to spark, deepen or re-kindle some of the relationships in your Soul Network. Consider Viktor Frankl for inspiration: “The more one forgets himself - by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love - the more human he is and the more he actualizes himself.”
Practice unconditional positive regard. Our default can often be to pass judgment and this can get in the way of adding new relationships to our Soul Network. This term coined by Carl Rogers helps us to interact with all people especially those in our soul network from a place of presence and understanding. You can read more about it in one of my first Friday Reflections here.
Invest in the double and triple role people in your networks. Some of us are lucky to have people who belong to our Soul Network and one of the other four networks. These relationships are particularly central to our success as time spent with them and time invested in their success has huge ROI.10
Reflect: Some Questions to Consider
Which “guardians” of your Soul Network are strong today?
Which “guardians” do you need more of in your Soul Network? What gets in the way of adding new people to your Soul Network to fill these gaps?
What actions can you take in the next month to further strengthen your Soul Network?
If this week’s Friday Reflection was practical or enjoyable (or maybe even both!), please share it with your colleagues and friends.
It has absolutely one of the best finales to a trilogy. The most recent installment - Vol. 3 - was so much fun - it gave me all the feelings and was a satisfying close for every character.
The inspiration for this entire series began with a note from a colleague in which she shared the results of the 85 year Harvard study on happiness. And in my writing on talent, teams and technology, I keep coming back to the themes of science-back insight, soulful insight and suffering.
This reflection has been the hardest one for me to write given an odd contradiction I personally wrestle with: my view of the world from a young age has been shaped by the fact that connection and intimacy are deeply important due to the communities I grew up around. At the same time, despite this intellectual belief, my soul network has meaningfully weakened as I’ve aged, and this weakness has taken a personal toll on me. So my challenge was to write what I believe to be true without it coming across in any way as some sort of performative contradiction. Furthermore, some of the most successful executives I have worked with operate with an understandable skepticism about the feasibility of prioritizing the soul network in the context of a high octane career.
These keystones come from the 85-year Harvard study on happiness. Note that I left out “learning” from the seven keystones that come from this research because the other three networks all have some element of learning to them as well.
I loved how Vol. 3 brings this aspect of Rocket to the forefront. His friendship with Lylla was both heartwarming and heartbreaking. And it was such an incredibly storytelling achievement to tell Rocket’s entire backstory while moving the rest of the Guardians’ stories to such a satisfying conclusion. And who says the MCU isn’t art!
As I’ve gotten older, this is the element of my Soul Network that has been hardest to sustain. I see the same with many of the leaders I work with. I also notice that the ability to have the close relationships where we confide in others is one of the areas that deteriorated the most during the pandemic and I think we are still recovering.
Some of the best one liners from the trilogy come from Drax and how he takes everything literally. For example, these gems.
For those that have seen Vol. 3, how good was the line: “Drax, you were never meant to be a destroyer. You were meant to be a dad.” This by the way was said by Nebula - the Identify Affirmation relationship.
One the best sources of this research can be found in Chapter 2 of Scott Barry Kaufman’s book, Transcend. This chapter elaborates on the critical role connection plays in self-actualization and is an exhaustive, yet entertaining walk through the cognitive science of connection and belonging.
This is a repeat from the first reflection on networks, but others found it quite helpful so I wanted to reiterate it here.