“There was a monk who lived in a cave in the mountains. He spent years making a painting of a tiger on the wall of the cave. It was so realistic that when he finally finished it and looked at it, he got frightened.”
I love the way this Zen story recounted by Joseph Goldstein humorously brings to life how humans buy into fear that is constructed in our minds.
I’ve created an extension to this that further illuminates the nature of fear:
Imagine that due to the monk’s fear of this “painted tiger,” he chose never to leave the cave, because he didn’t want to have to pass in front of it again. When another monk comes to visit and asks him why he won’t leave the cave, the monk responds that he doesn’t like going outside.
And while this story seems comical on the surface, most leaders have “painted tigers” of fear that can hold them back from taking action and thus limit their impact. Moreover, we create entire narratives (“I don’t like it outside”) that allow us to avoid confronting these fears (“facing our painted tigers”)
Leadership Principle: Unacknowledged fears limit our impact. When we vocalize and explore our fears, we can go beyond their limits and take action.
In organizational life, there are at least five types of fear that limit leaders’ impact:1
Fear of loss
Fear of other people’s opinions2
Fear of pain/discomfort
Fear of change
Fear of the unknown
Each of these five fears are present for nearly everyone (to some degree) in both personal and professional life.
That said, they can be so pernicious in leadership, because fear, particularly unacknowledged fear, can lead to sub-optimal decisions and hold leaders back from taking action.
These fears are often the root of hard-to-recover-from issues like underinvesting in innovation or a delayed tough talent decision.
And unfortunately, most cultures condition us to pretend that fear is not there. The problem with this approach is that unacknowledged fears are “invisible limits” and these limits hold us back (and the organizations we lead) from achieving full potential.
Instead of avoiding what we are afraid of, consider that courage is not the absence of fear, but rather taking action in the face of fear. In other words, it is impossible to be courageous unless we acknowledge and name our fear.
The benefit of naming our fears is that we can then determine how those fears might be preventing us from making the best decision for our teams. It brings clarity.
Furthermore, when we name our fears, we are able to see their true nature - that in most cases, they are “painted tigers,” purely a construct of our own ruminations.
In closing, this quote perfectly capture the benefits of vocalizing our previously unacknowledged fears:
“The first step is learning to see what it is that we’re afraid of. In this way, we come to recognize it clearly, to see what limits us and then to explore the possibilities of going beyond those limits.” -Joseph Goldstein
Take Action: Practical and Proven Steps
Have a trusted confidant help you to vocalize your fear, especially when you find yourself hesitant to take action. Make sure they help you think through the answers to the following questions: What type of fear is holding you back? What concerns you most about that? What’s the worst thing that could happen if you take action despite your fear? What actions can you take to mitigate that worst case scenario?
Remember the times where you’ve overcome similar fears in the past. You may even consider keeping a running list of these examples. Furthermore, have a clear sense of what strategies or tactics helped you to take action in the face of that fear. Perhaps it was learning more about a topic to get over the fear of change or fear of the unknown. Or perhaps, it helped to turn to a quote, poem or work of art that continuously instills in you a sense of courage. Or maybe, it was just the simple act of preparation.
Pick the next area where you plan to “operate at the edge” of your previously unacknowledged fear. After acknowledging fear, the best way to overcome it is to keep confronting that fear. It is often easier to do this in small doses at first before taking big leap or risk. For example, if your fear of other’s opinions holds you back from pursuing creative yet risky ideas, start by sharing an idea with a peer who you think may be more neutral on the idea (vs. immediately jumping in to action or sharing with a group).
Reflect: Some Questions to Consider
What is a decision or action where one of these five types of fear may be limiting you from moving forward?
When have you overcome a similar type of fear in the past?
Who can be a sounding board to you in better understanding this fear and helping you to take action despite it?
If this week’s Friday Reflection was practical or enjoyable (or maybe even both!), please share it with your colleagues and friends.
People often wax poetic about “fear of failure.” There are entire books on it. But I actually don’t think anyone is afraid of failing. They are afraid of the consequence of failure - fear of loss (money, control, status), fear of other people’s opinions (looking bad in front of others), fear of change or fear of the unknown.
Performance and sports psychologist Michael Gervais coined a term FOPO (fear of other people’s opinions) to capture this idea. He has a great short article on how to combat it and has recently published a book on the same topic that I am looking forward to reading soon.