Sorrow everywhere. Slaughter everywhere. If babies
Are not starving someplace, they are starving
somewhere else. With flies in their nostrils.
But we enjoy our lives because that's what the universe wants...
If we deny our happiness, resist our satisfaction,
we lessen the importance of their deprivation.
We must risk delight. We can do without pleasure
but not delight. Not enjoyment. We must have
the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless
furnace of this world. To make injustice the only
measure of our attention is to praise the devil…
We must admit there will be music despite everything…
A Selection from “A Brief for the Defense” by Jack Gilbert
I’ve had this poem by my bedside for the last several months. This line in particular I’ve reflected on many times: “We must have the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless furnace of this world.”
It’s felt even more challenging to put into practice in the last couple weeks as many friends, colleagues and clients are personally affected by the recent barbaric brutality, humanitarian crisis and war in the Middle East.
And yet these lines called to me well before the last three weeks.
Leadership principle: Stubbornly savor delight even during the most trying and dark times.
It is understandable that our spirits get weighed down. Between the disappointment and anxieties of daily life, the emotional suffering we inflict upon others and on ourselves, and the “sorrow” and “slaughter” in the world, the struggle is real. Moreover, when these “heavy” feelings are prolonged, we can slowly sink into becoming robots with “injustice as the only measure of our attention” - in all senses of the word injustice.
Given this tendency, the notion that it requires risk-taking and stubbornness to “accept our gladness” as we confront “the ruthless furnace” is such beautiful framing.
And as leaders, the tone we set has a multiplying affect. When we choose to take this risk and role model delight and enjoyment in the face of suffering, it has a ripple effect, influencing everyone we lead and interact with.
Recently, I took my 3 year old son recently to get a haircut at a barber shop I’ve been going to for over a decade. I was bantering back and forth with the barbers about how sad it is that so many restaurants, even good ones, struggle to survive in our neighborhood.
Out of no where, my son starts singing his version of La Bamba (which is actually pretty damn good…and yes I know I am very biased). As he belts the lyrics at the top of his lungs, everyone in the barber shop bursts out in laughter .
And somehow with his injection of levity and joy, the tone of our conversation shifted (I only noticed this later). Rather than complaining or sadly reminiscing, we started to talk about how amazing a couple of the restaurants are that have survived.
With just this little act of joy, my son changed the emotional environment for 5 grown men.
Now I am not suggesting that you break out into song in the middle of a meeting. But I do think this anecdote illustrates the power of "risking delight.”
And in order to create the first wave of the ripple, we must start within, especially if we are more inclined to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders (as many leaders are). Because as Jack Gilbert so beautifully writes: “We must admit there will be music despite everything.”
Take Action: Practical and Proven Steps
Create micro-moments to do the thing that filled you with joy as a kid. As is obvious from this substack, I love music. I often find myself taking five to ten minute walks listening to music and humming along to classic lyrics.1 I find for many of the things that gave us joy as kids, there are ways to create micro-moments that invoke this joy.
Experiment with specific forms of meditation. Two that I find helpful to lighten the heaviness and find delight are Metta (Loving Kindness) and Tonglen (sending and receiving). Sharon Salzberg’s guided Metta meditation and Pema Chodron’s guided Tonglen meditation are great places to start.2
Take the risk to express delight with your teams. This is not about being tone deaf or naively optimistic. And it may look different for each person depending on your leadership style. One “risk” you can try is to write a notecard for each person on your team. In the notecard, write 2-3 specific things you appreciate about them and one song/movie/book/artwork/show that reminds you of them. Save these cards for when you have a tough meeting or difficult news to share. At the end of the tough meeting, hand the cards to your team. There are all kinds of ways to do this…take the risk.
Reflect: Some Questions to Consider
How can you “risk delight” and “stubbornly accept gladness” this week?
What is a moment in the upcoming week where it will be important for you to role model “risking delight” in front of your team?
Especially if you are in an organization that is beset with challenges (as many are), how can you “stubbornly savor delight” without coming across as tone deaf or naive to the realities of your colleagues?
If this week’s Friday Reflection was practical or enjoyable (or maybe even both!), please share it with your colleagues and friends.
This week in honor of my Halloween costume of Starlord from the Guardians of the Galaxy, I was listening to the mixtape from the movie soundtrack. It’s hard not to smile and dance when you hear “Come and Get Your Love” by Redbone.
And on that note, this has to be one of the better opening credits scenes in a movie. Who’s with me? And to all the haters…yes I know…this is my whiteboy side coming out, not the Cuban side. It’s all good.
You do not have to be spiritual to derive benefits from these meditations. Science has shown that contemplative practices have a multitude of physical and mental health benefits. In these last three weeks, I’ve found myself doing Tonglen more often. It is one way to make a wish to fully take in the suffering and fully send out joy and happiness to those in Israel and Gaza who are suffering.