“Hand me the world on a silver platter…And what good would it be?”
Alicia Keys in “If I Ain’t Got You”
Alicia Keys1 is a living legend. This line from her genre defying hit emphasizes two key ideas for me: 1) Riches/success/achievement can be empty without someone(s) to share them with2; 2) sustaining your wellness doesn’t mean things need to be easy all the time (i.e., handed to us on a silver platter).
Leadership principle: Wellness requires intentional action not perpetual ease or balance.
Being hyper productive is perceived to be the key to success at the highest levels. Alicia Keys herself is entering a period of hyper productivity - 15 shows in 15 cities over the course of less than four weeks. And you think your travel schedule is demanding…
For most of us, these hyper productive stretches tend to be filled with stress and even, anxiety. Given that, a natural conclusion could be that hyper productivity tends to correlate with lower wellness.
And while this certainly is true over longer stretches of time as well as in many organizations,3 I’d like to offer a slightly different view.
Even during intense, stress-filled epochs of our lives, we have more agency than we think.
Unfortunately, two things get in the way of us really believing this.
First, we approach wellness as a state of being that requires us to be in some perpetual zen mode that is free from difficulty and stress.
Second, we are afraid. Specifically, we are afraid of how people will judge us if we have to drop some balls due to ruthlessly prioritizing what’s most critical to success, including intentional wellness actions.
I’ll spend the rest of today’s reflection on the first obstacle and will come back to the second as its an area of ongoing exploration for me.4
Consider this quote from Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski’s book Burnout:
“To be ‘well’ is not to live in a state of perpetual safety, ease and calm, but to move fluidly from a state of adversity, risk, adventure, or excitement and back to calm and out again. Stress is not bad for you; being stuck is bad for you.”
In other words, wellness is not a constant state of being but instead requires action to avoid getting stuck in stress.
The key is to have the tools to respond to stressors in a way that allows us to get unstuck and work all the way through the stress cycle.
In an effort to have some fun and make these tools more memorable, I’ve created a “Wellness Menu of 10 Actions” and connected each to the poetic lyrics of the one and only Alicia Keys:5
Breaks - “I don’t wanna forget the present is a gift.”6 Schedule breaks to re-ground your mind in the present moment. According to Nataly Kogan, the human brain needs to take a break every 90 to 120 minutes to function at its best and avoid accumulated stress and overwhelm. Choose wisely what you do with these breaks…no doom scrolling. I have short meditation (<2 min) from Sam Harris’s Waking Up app that helps ground me during five minute breaks.7
Physical activity - “Even when I'm a mess…I still put on a vest…With an S on my chest.”8 Prioritize movement even in the busiest moments. For me, this is the most important tool in my toolkit when stress outpaces my ability to process it. Most studies I’ve read on this say that 20 to 60 minutes per day is enough to help us complete our “stress cycles.” There are an immense number of studies that reinforce this point9 and yet for so many people I know, physical activity gets de-prioritized. The trick is to find something you like and decide whether you want to make it social.
Connection - “Keep yourself open…break these walls between each other.”10 While we can’t always achieve the “deep moments of intimacy,” studies show that even what Nataly Kogan calls “micro-connections” can make a difference in our wellness. This can be as simple as greeting others with “genuine enthusiasm.” The reason this works is that for you and for others, these moments re-assure your brain that the world is a safe place and as the Nagoski’s say: not all people suck.11
Creative expression - “Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, we got our head in the clouds…And we're not comin' down.”12 According to the Nagoski's research, creative activities help to sustain and even raise our energy levels. Taking the time to appreciate creative expression, or better yet, take part in any form of expression, gives us the chance to move through emotions. Just singing or dancing along to a song can be enough. Or even listening to or reading your favorite poem.
Gratitude - “You're doing a good job. Don't get too down. The world needs you now. Know that you matter…matter…matter yeah.” Expressing gratitude to others is a free and easy way to enhance your wellness. There is an immense body of research on how gratitude calms the nervous system, deepens connections and makes us feel happier.
Breathing - “Inhale, exhale, in and out like a sail”13 Caroline Webb shares multiple breathing techniques that are proven by science to reduce stress and improve wellness. The simplest and yet one of the most impactful is diaphragmatic breathing.
Laughter - “I would give you laughter and so much more than that.”14 Sophie Scott’s research has shown that laughter is an ancient system we’ve evolved to regulate our emotions. That said, it can’t be fake or polite laughter. It needs to be that real stuff that comes from deep in your gut. Having a few go-to you-tube videos (send me your favorites) and/or following your favorite comedians on Instagram can offer quick doses of laughter in your day.
Non-sleep Deep Rest - “These streets will make you feel brand new.”15 Research from Andrew Huberman’s lab on non-sleep deep rest outlines many benefits including stress relief. One way to achieve this state is to experiment with yoga nidra or guided meditations. It requires as little as 10 minutes.
Mantras - “It’s a new day. It’s a new day…I’m gonna give it my all.”16 Mantras serve as a focal point for your attention, diverting your mind away from stressors. By directing your attention to a mantra, you create a mental shift and break the cycle of stress and rumination. The rhythm of mantras also can induce a sense of relaxation and create a soothing effect.
Affection - “I just want you close where you can stay forever.”17 A deep connection with a loved one can help you navigate stress. A 20-second hug has the power to make us feel safe, as if we've escaped the threat that triggered our fight-or-flight response in the first place.
You don’t have to do all of these things. You just need to do some. Take action. Take control of your wellness even when the conditions around you make it harder. The key is to consistently deal with the stress, even when it feels like the cause of stress is out of our control or will take longer to deal with.
As leaders, dealing with your wellness is the first step, and yet it is insufficient. We have a responsibility to also support our teams’ wellness. Below I offer some practical actions that you can take to empower your teams to take more ownership of their wellness.
Take Action: Practical and Proven Steps
Role model putting into practice at least three of the strategies from the wellness action menu. In monthly team meetings or town halls, proactively share with your teams the actions that worked for you in the last month. If you are really bold, you’ll even admit the months where you haven’t created the space for these wellness actions and ask your team to hold you accountable for doing them the next month.
Integrate team rituals that contribute to wellness. Don’t add more to your team’s plate in the name of “wellness.” Instead, consider how you can incorporate one or more of these wellness strategies into existing team rhythms. For example, one leader I know does at least half of his 1:1s as walking meetings. Another is relentless about having 25 minute and 50 minute meetings and ending on time or early so that there is time for mini-breaks between the next meeting.
Share this menu of action with your teams.18 Ask them what they need from you to ensure that they consistently take these actions.
Reflect: Some Questions to Consider
What gets in the way of taking action to enhance your wellness?
Which action(s) from the menu do you want to commit to this week?
How can you use your insights from this reflection to create the conditions for greater wellness on your team?
If this week’s Friday Reflection was practical or enjoyable (or maybe even both!), please share it with your colleagues and friends.
I had the once in a lifetime opportunity to see Alicia in concert last week with my wife and daughter. She is a force of nature and puts on a soul stirring show. It reminded me why in so many points in my life, her music has been my muse. It’s also striking to look around to see how much joy her music brings to the thousands of other fans from many different walks of life.
This first statement comes off as a bit trite. That said, all it takes is a loved on whose health is compromised or even a client passing away at a young age to help reinforce this lesson. For myriad reasons, it’s a lesson many of us need to just keep getting hit over the head with until it really sinks in.
I’ve written previously on what the most senior leaders need to aim to do to create cultures that avoid burnout - Pacing.
The Courage to Do Less which gets at this principle. I was also recently inspired by a conversation with a CEO that I deeply admire who embodies this principle. He has overcome this fear.
Several articles and books inspired this list. First Nataly Kogan’s Six Science Backed Ways to Improve Wellness. Second, Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski’s book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Third, Caroline Webb’s How to Have a Good Day. I can’t imagine that any of these ideas are particularly new, and yet I find that I need reminders like this as a way to check-in on how I am doing in creating the conditions for wellness.
This short meditation reinforces that the point of meditation is not a tool to completely rid stress from our lives. Instead, it is a practice that gives us the freedom to let go of stress when it is no longer useful.
Superwoman (2013)
Some studies include this one on impact of exercise on anxiety reduction and this one on how physical exercise releases endorphins in the brain, a chemical response that is associated with elevated mood (what’s often referred to as the ‘runner’s high’).
These small moments of connection are no substitute for a strong Soul Network, and yet they can make a big difference in the day-to-day grind.
Empire State of Mind Part 2 (2010) - ok admittedly this line was a bit of a stretch but I had to get it in there somehow.
If you are worried, your team isn’t Alicia Keys fans (ha), Kogan’s article that I cite above is also a good place to start. Or you can get your creative juices flowing (action #4) and apply your own musical or artistic theme to these wellness actions.