Musicians that reinvent genres have done so in large part due to their impossibly high standards and their unique talent.
John Coltrane1 is one of my favorite examples. Even after having been selected to play alongside two legendary musicians - Miles Davis and Thelonius Monk - Coltrane felt he “had more work to do and needed to smooth out some harmonic kinks.” That’s like Steph Curry saying he still had work to do on his three point shooting.
Coltrane’s obsession with self-improvement and desire to continue to elevate his craft ultimately resulted in his creating what many consider to be the most influential jazz album of all time, Giant Steps.
Leadership principle: Re-frame “impossibly high standards” as an attempt to push the team to deliver in a way that exceeds their own expectations.
And while we celebrate artists like Coltrane whose impossibly high standards for himself resulted in once-in-a-generation artistry, we have a tendency to resist when others, particularly bosses, impose expectations on us that seem out of reach.
To be clear, I’m not talking about abusive bosses or unethical bosses. I’m talking about the bosses who set goals that we perceive are not tethered to external realities.
Rather than wasting energy second-guessing this style of management, leaders who work with bosses that have impossibly high standards can pursue one of two paths: 1) opt out by finding a new role; or 2) reframe.
For leaders that choose path two, one way to reframe the situation is to recognize that bosses who set seemingly impossibly high targets often do so to pull out the Giant Steps performance from their team.
That said, the reason working for leaders like this is so uncomfortable and stress-inducing is because they hijack our innate desire for control. We sense impending danger - namely that we will fail - and get all worked up in anxiety and even fear.
However, we don’t necessarily have to succumb to the fear. Here are few specific tactics for working effectively with this style of boss.
Take Action: Practical and Proven Steps
Use self-reflection to bring yourself back to presence. Start by noticing the fear or concern. This is admittedly extremely hard to do in the moment, so it’s important to adopt some go-to-phrases that can create the space for this reflection (e.g., “Sounds good, let me go do some work and I’ll come back with options). After naming the fear, explore the fear with curiosity. Jim Marsden calls this “mining the fear with curiosity.” It’s important to really interrogate your own beliefs from multiple angles, asking yourself what is true and what is a story you are telling yourself. Then zero in on what really matters to you and focus energy and action on that one thing. Often times, what you’ll find is that new options and choices emerge, because by focusing on what matters, the fear loosens its grip.
Up your influencing game. Influence starts with a deep understanding of the motivation and working style of the people you are trying to get to act in a certain way. For bosses with impossibly high standards, consider what underlying motivations are driving them to set such lofty goals. Then try multiple tactics that appeal to that underlying motivation. Lisa Kislik shares some great examples in this article and David Robinson has even more specific tactics here. While you may not succeed in moving the goal posts, you have the highest chance of doing so by thinking through the “how” and “who” of persuasion, not just the “what.”
Empathize don’t sympathize with your team. One bad habit I see even C-suite leaders make is sympathizing with their teams about CEOs who set seemingly unattainable goals (i.e., Yeah I can’t believe she set these ridiculous goals again). Instead acknowledge to your team that when you first learned of the goals, you felt concerned that you may fail given the bar has been set so high. You can even ground them in the fact that the practical realities (e.g., inflation, competitive pressure, supply chain issues, donor fatigue, etc.) may feel insurmountable. From there, help them through their own journey of reflection, mobilizing them towards the goals by focusing them on what they have agency to control.
By taking this approach, you’ll be more likely to achieve the Giant Steps outcome that your boss with impossibly high standards is trying to pull out of you. And at a minimum, you will reduce your anxiety and stay focused on what matters.
Reflect: Some Questions to Consider:
How can I role model staying in presence when presented with seemingly unrealistic goals?
When are moments in the upcoming week that I may be tempted to sympathize rather than empathize with the team?
How clear am I about the underlying motivations of the most important people I work with?
If you are a jazz fan and are curious to read more about his life and impact in the jazz world, particularly his legendary album Giant Steps, you may enjoy this long article.