Mastering Mentorship
Friday Reflection (No. 83)
“The goal of life is not to possess power but to radiate it.” -Howard Thurman
Howard Thurman1 is well-known in many circles, though he is not as much of a household name as one of his most famous mentees, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
And while Thurman had an immense influence as a theologian, author, professor and minister (including as the founder of one of the first interracial Christian congregations in San Francisco), it was perhaps his mentorship of Dr. King and other civil rights leaders that had the most enduring impact.
Many credit Thurman’s writings, sermons and in-person guidance as what spurred Dr. King to come to conviction that non-violent resistance was “the most potent weapon available to oppressed people in their struggle for freedom and human dignity.” Without ever joining Dr. King on the front lines, Thurman shaped the philosophy and strategy of one of the most important social movements through mentorship.
And while you may not have the opportunity to mentor someone of Dr. King’s stature, what we can take from Thurman’s example is the profound and exponential impact that mentorship can have on the world.
Leadership Principle: Mentorship is a choice and an act of generosity that can radiate your impact throughout the world. Choose wisely.
When discussing mentorship, two common questions emerge:
How do I decide who to mentor?
What does high-impact mentorship look like?
On the first question, this is a two-way street. You have to want to mentor the person, because you see their potential, AND they have to want to be mentored by you. Often these relationships form organically in the flow of work or projects (vs. arbitrary assignments).2
The biggest mistake that I see senior leaders make is agreeing to mentor too many people. This ends up diluting their impact. The best mentors are those who are intentional about their “mentor dance card,” limiting the number of mentees that take on, so that they are able to give each one sufficient attention and time. It also ensures that as a mentor, they can be their for their mentees in the most critical moments.
To address the second question - what does high-impact mentorship look like? - I created a simple framework: “the 5 C’s of Mentorship.”
Counsel: Mentors can be an invaluable source of advice and teaching. At the same time, this is probably the most over-used of the 5 Cs. The key is to make sure advice is what is needed3 in that moment and that it is tailored to the mentee’s context, goals and personality.
Coach: The best mentors go beyond giving answers as an armchair expert. They create the space for their mentee to a) clearly define their aspirations and goals, b) identify their own answers from within, and c) reframe their assumptions, particularly when those assumptions are becoming impediments. In addition to the answers that emerge, coaching also builds the confidence of the mentee.
Challenge: Mentors are at times the voice of tough love, speaking plainly when their mentee missteps or is heading down the wrong path. In fact, in the best mentoring relationships, this candor goes both ways.
Create opportunities: Mentors can play an important role in creating opportunities that will help develop their mentees through new experiences, particularly when the mentor and mentee are part of the same organization. For example, they can help them to get selected for a team that is leading a new initiative or bring them to audit a strategy meeting.
Connect to others: The best mentors know that they don’t have all the solutions. They are intentional about supporting mentees in expanding their network including others who can bring new perspectives as well as contacts that can open doors to new business or new opportunities.
If you are deliberate in selecting your mentees and in applying the 5Cs in these relationships, you will not only make a big difference in their life and career, you will also feel a sense of fulfillment. And through them you will radiate your impact on the world.
Take Action: Proven and Practical Steps
Be deliberate about who you mentor (and who you don’t). Determine the number of mentees you have the energy and capacity for. In most cases, this will range from four to ten people. Create a simple set of criteria for when you will say “yes” to mentoring others. Once your mentee “dance card” is full, be thoughtful about taking on more unless you see room to de-prioritize one of your existing mentees (yes - this is a thing!). Lastly, challenge yourself to mentor at least one person who has a significantly different background than your own.
Carve out dedicated time where you can be fully present. Make it a regular cadence (quarterly, semi-annually) to set-up at least one hour with your mentees. Have them bring their own set of topics and questions. During the discussion (and between meetings), look for ways to apply one or more of the 5Cs that will be most beneficial to them. The beauty of mentorship is that when you are fully present for these sessions, you will also unearth insights from your mentees that are valuable to you.
Be creative about how to bring value in multiple ways (“2 or more Cs”) to mentees. In his book, Learning to Lead, Ron Williams suggests a number of creative ideas that combine at least two of the Cs: “Invite less experienced team members to take part in conferences or conventions from which they might be excluded…suggest they audit planning or strategy sessions with more senior leaders….host lunches that connect [mentees] with more seasoned leaders in the company.” Then after these experiences, set-up time to debrief in order to help them crystallize their learnings.
Reflect: Some Questions to Consider
How deliberate have you been in selecting your mentees?
Which of the 5Cs do you overuse with your mentees? Which of the 5Cs could you use more often?
When you think about your mentees, which 1 or 2 need more attention from you in the next three months?
If this week’s Friday Reflection was practical or enjoyable (or maybe even both!), please share it with your colleagues and friends.
Thurman had a truly remarkable intellect and heart of compassion - such a rare and precious combination. It lives on through in his writing. Similar to the ancient wisdom of other spiritual traditions, his writing offers insight to anyone who seeks inner mastery and outer impact, regardless of religious affiliation. It is notable that the same Thurman book that Dr. King used to carry around in his pocket, Jesus and the Disinherited has been an inspiration to many social movements.
Many organizations have formal mentor programs, and most of them are ineffective. The main reason is that mentor pairing is actually quite challenging when choice is removed. That said, there are plenty examples of high functioning formal mentor programs and at their core, they work because significant effort was put into mentor matching.
See this Friday reflection on “growing thought partner muscles” for a framework that can help you to know when advice, options or questions are what your mentee most needs.