Magic Johnson shocked the world in 1991 when he announced he was HIV positive.1 Many in the media called it a “death sentence” and at the time in the early 90s, HIV was just that for most people that contracted it. During this heart wrenching time, Jerry Buss, the owner of the Lakers, supported Magic both emotionally and financially2 despite the uncertainty created by the diagnosis. While their bond was forged over many years (including many parties!) and their similar personalities drew them close to one another, what an amazing gift to have a boss that is there for you at your darkest moment.
At the darkest point in my personal life, I was working on one of the highest stakes mergers of two companies in the history of the healthcare industry. As my team and I were preparing for a 2-day workshop with senior leaders from both companies in the transaction, I felt myself losing it. I had not shared with anyone at work what I had been going through, but at this moment I felt that I needed to share in case I really couldn’t rise to the occasion given how terrible I felt.
I remember calling up Josh Weisbrod3 nearly in tears, explaining what was going on. With four simple words, he temporarily relieved my anguish and made me feel incredibly supported: “I’m here for you.” We didn’t solve anything on the call, but the simple fact of knowing that Josh was in my corner gave me the strength and the courage to proceed with the session over the next two days despite my personal crisis.
Given how much of our lives are spent at work, I believe it is imperative that leaders “be there for the lows” for each of the individuals that we directly supervise. That said, every person may need something different, so here are a couple practical tips:
Create an environment of safety. The hard part is that we may not always know when people on our teams are dealing with personal crises outside of work. Given that, we need to consistently operate from a place of listening and full attention when we engage with our teams. If our day-to-day interactions tend to be transactional and half-focused, then you can bet that team members won’t come to you when the stakes in their personal life are high.
Show support in the way that works for each team member. As Jeff Riddle writes in this poignant piece on servant leadership: “travel on other people’s maps.” The best way to do this is to ask when you first start working with someone, “if/when you encounter challenges outside of work, what is the best way to make you feel supported?” Then you’ll be able to respond accordingly when the inevitable low moments take place.
Don’t assume that they need time off. What I appreciated most about Josh’s response was that he let me know that he had my back and that if I needed time and space, I could have it. That said, he didn’t make the choice for me. During that time, work actually was a useful diversion, because I could pour myself into it and not get consumed by the difficulty I was going through. Others may actually need to reduce their workload to take time to address personal crises, in which case it is useful to problem solve with them how to make that happen.
Keep communication open. As Carolyn O’Hara suggests in this piece, check-in regularly and make sure they know that they can come to you to talk through workload and/or any other accommodations they may need.
Hopefully all of us get to have the experience of having a boss like Dr. Buss or Josh, and at the same time, we can continue to strive to be that person for our teams.
Some questions I reflected on:
As I think through each person on my teams, how comfortable would each of them be coming to me during a low point?
What might I be doing now that inadvertently causes others to think that I may not “be there for them in there lows”?
What is one action I can take in 1:1s this week to make sure that my teams know that I’ve got their back?
#32 is a special one for me…this is the Magic Johnson post! It’s so funny that still to this day any time I hear the numbers 32-34 I think of Hall of Fame basketball greats: 32 = Magic, 33 = Larry Bird, 34 = Shaq. No promises that the next couple weekly reflections actually live up to their greatness :)
Buss offered Magic a 1-year $14M contract for the following season after Magic revealed he had HIV. He even followed through on the contract despite the fact that Magic only played 6 games.
Josh combines incisive intelligence and creativity with a quick wit and humility, making him an amazing person to learn from and work with. I was fortunate to be hired by him and work with him on several projects. He is also more of a baseball fan than a basketball fan, but I don’t hold that against him.