We love to cheer for super heroes and root against villains (some exceptions to this rule - most notably Killmonger in the Black Panther). This is a major reason why the Marvel Cinematic Universe has been so wildly successful and why Batman is getting re-booted once again.1
Despite our tendency to root for super heroes in the movie, the villain that we embrace the most in our day-to-day lives is our own “inner Villain.”
The inner Villain is the voice that blames others or ourselves when things get difficult or stressful.2 When we act out the inner Villain, we make statements like:
The Critic: “You’re doing it wrong.”
The Control Freak: “My perspective is best.”
The Cynic: “It won’t work.”
The Narcissist: “I’m the most important.”
The Know-it-all: “My answer is best.”
Reading these words on the page, it’s easy to see how they can be limiting. Ironically though, even the best leaders I know fall into one or more of these traps in the course of a day.
The consequences of taking the Villain position are as sinister as the Joker’s plans for Gotham. It stifles creativity. It demotivates others on our team. It eliminates a sense of possibility. It kills the joy on teams. It deprives others and yourself of learning.
The irony is that the Villain often emerges because we are trying to protect ourselves from something that we perceive as negative. In fact, Jim Dethmer and Diana Chapman theorize that we take this position because of fear. When I analyze the times that I fall into this trap, I agree with them. Sometimes it is protecting myself from the fear of being wrong. Other times it is protecting myself from the fear of uncertainty. And still other times it is protecting myself from the fear of feeling an uncomfortable emotion.
That said, what we see in the moment as protection is actually destructive to the very outcomes we desire as leaders: creativity, motivation, joy and learning.
When a leader takes the position of the Villain, it has a detrimental multiplier effect. In other words, Villain leaders breed teams of villains. And when things start to go sideways, the resulting behaviors and team dynamic can get ugly fast.
So what are some strategies to defeat our inner Villain and shift into Challenger mode3?
Raise awareness of the patterns that cause your Villain to emerge. Sometimes all that it takes to shift out of Villain mode is to notice the types of situations that cause you to fall into it. If you find yourself doling out blame to others or to yourself, then you’ve tripped the Villain wire. Make a note in a journal or in a notes application that outlines what situation caused you to take the Villain position. Once you start to understand the patterns, you’ll be able to prepare your mind in advance of the situation to avoid falling into Villain mode as often.
Create a short mantra. Consider something like “From blaming to learning and doing different” or my personal one “From self-righteous to curious.” A short one-liner like this can help you in the moment to make the shift to Challenger even when you sense you might be heading down the Villain route.
Embrace the mindset that challenging others is in service of helping others. Different than a Villain, a Challenger confronts others with compassion and understanding. Rather than dwell on the past or look to assign blame, the Challenger asks questions to compel others to learn from mistakes and push them to identify solutions for how they plan to do something different in the future. Importantly, he/she also accepts the discomfort of potential resistance from those they are challenging.
Enlist a partner. Ask someone you trust to hold you accountable for making this shift from Villain to Challenger. Have them check-in with you at the end of each day to ask a) how did it go today? and b) what do you want to do different tomorrow?
Some questions I reflected on this week:
When did I slip into Villain mode this week? What patterns do I notice about those moments?
In the upcoming week, which meetings or interactions have potential to bring out my Villain? What can I do to prepare my mind to shift to Challenger mode?
Who can I ask to hold me accountable and give me feedback?
If you are wondering, the answer is “Yes, I did go and see The Batman on opening night.” This is a tradition that close friends and I have stuck to for nearly 20 years for some of the biggest opening night comic book movies.
I’ve cited this concept in other reflections. It is adapted from Jim Dethmer and Diana Chapman’s concept of the Drama Triangle. The Villain statements also come from their excellent resources.
I first introduced this concept in the Friday Reflection on “Leading when we are not the leader.”