“S*** on my mind cause it’s heavy…
Tear you in pieces ‘cause it’s way too heavy.”
-Kendrick Lamar in Mr. Morale1
These two lines from Kendrick’s latest album hit me like a gut punch this week.
The shootings in a Buffalo grocery store, a Laguna Woods church and a Uvalde school unearthed anger and broke my heart in a way that felt so deeply personal.2
The unsettling trauma in the world can, at times, be unbearably heavy. In these moments, we as leaders need to create space for our teams to acknowledge the heaviness - not in an intellectual way, but in a personal way.
The challenge is that deeply troubling and tragic events impact each person on our team differently. In the United States (and in many other countries), responses to these events are often also charged with political undercurrents. As a result, we can tie ourselves in knots trying to strike the right tone - for those most deeply affected, for those who may not even be aware and for every sentiment in between.
The good news is that we do not need to have answers.
Yet that doesn’t mean we are off the hook. The most impactful thing a leader can do is foster an environment where people can work through what they are feeling in the way that is most appropriate for them.
Practical tips to create space for the “heavy” topics
Directly acknowledge news events that impact those you lead. Allison Shapira recommends opening a team huddle with a statement as simple as: “I’d like to take a minute to acknowledge what’s happening. I’ve certainly been distracted and concerned by it. Who else feels the same way?”3
Reach out individually to team members more likely to be personally affected. As you have individual check-ins with your team, ask them how others are feeling and whom they think has been most affected by the news. When one of your direct reports opens up, you most likely won’t have solutions for them, but you can listen and if appropriate, ask if there is any other support they need.
Be present and focus your attention on the needs of the team. While the pressures of delivering quarterly numbers or meeting customer orders do not relent in the face of traumatic events, these are the times to remove the “performance blinders” and tune into what others need and are feeling. In fact, studies show that leading with empathy contributes to positive outcomes such as greater innovation, engagement and ability to balance the tensions of work and home life. As Hitendra Wadhwa points out, empathy is a discipline to be cultivated not a switch that turns on or off, so start practicing now.
Reject toxic positivity. Adam Grant defines cultures of toxic positivity as being full of pressure to show constant enthusiasm. Rather than applying this pressure, try making others feel supported when they express unpleasant emotions like sadness, anxiety or burnout.4
Point out undertones of hope. One of the reasons I find Kendrick’s music so compelling is that while he can critique and point out dark and seemingly insurmountable injustices and themes, he always leaves breadcrumbs of hope. To me this is different than toxic positivity, because it is not certain that everything will okay, but we can still seek to uplift those around us by pointing out the glimmers of hope.
A couple questions I reflected on this week:
What can I do to acknowledge what I’ve felt this week, while also creating space for others to share how they have been affected?
Who on my teams do I think I need to reach out to personally?
In the upcoming week, how can I point out undertones of hope without coming across as disconnected from reality?
Kendrick Lamar’s new album Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers is another masterpiece from one of the artists I admire most. As he has done in previous albums, there is an entire narrative (in fact two narratives) that thread each song together in the album in a truly ingenious way. This album puts Kendrick as a father front and center, which really resonated with me. That said, the songs are not for the faint of heart and some may be offended by the strong language.
I also acknowledge that there are many other ongoing heartbreaking tragedies and injustices in our world. These three just hit me particularly hard this week.
Adam Grant’s TED talk on “How to stop languishing” is excellent and timely.